Gettin' Drunk for SCIENCE!!

Everyone who knows me knows my vast ineptitude in the kitchen. Seriously, it's epic.. I'm the only person I know who's managed to make my entire family ill off boxed brownie mix.. NOT on purpose!!! They also know my burning passion for all things... science-y... And my love of using "FOR SCIENCE" (all caps) as an excuse for just about everything. Seriously, try it some time!

Anyway, since I've been unemployed recently, I've decided to come up with  devastatingly awesome  useful  ways to fill my time that don't involve dropping the F bomb OR talking about the zombie apocalypse.. This usually involves getting grand ideas on food that I'll never be dumb brave enough to try on my own without parental supervision, or at least an adult...

Lately, I've been getting into the mixed drink field, which is kinda both disastrously awesome, and devastating for my liver.. let alone my poor boyfriend who has the unenviable task of being my lab rat.. Thanks honey!

 So far I've mastered the Margarita, and shown that Gimlet who's boss. I've even been know to show a Gin and Tonic how we do once or twice. Okay, it was twice and the first time was painful, but I digress...

So, in the name of science, I decided to concoct my own  super awesome cocktail, since it's summer and I have nothing better to do with my time have an interview on Thursday. I decided to stick with the basics, and make a variation on the Margarita... With what though? My experience with fresh mango involves too much cleanup of too many surfaces for that to be a viable option, and getting my lazy butt to the store was too big a delay FOR SCIENCE! Time to innovate. (It helps if you say it in your best spy voice) It's.Go.Time.

 I decided to shake things up in the Margarita world by first making an Apricot-Mango Margarita... and failed, horribly. It tasted like the new hooker at the local truck stop... not that I know, but come on people, use your imagination! Work with me here! Just like the hooker named Kandy.... it was sugary and sweet and disgustingly tart all at once..and kinda tasted of desperation.. but mainly of unbalanced, soul-scorching tequila. So, after adding a whole lot of juice, it occurred to me what was missing was salt. Then I got curious, why does salt take the pain (but not the shame) out of tequila? Well, Google to the rescue.

Apparently, sodium hydrochloride (also known as salt) covers the tongue and helps neutralize the burn of both hot foods and "hot" ( read as: alcohol burn) drinks by blocking some of the receptors on your tongue.
I didn't believe this was true, and being a the curious person I am, it was time FOR SCIENCE!!!

The challenge? Test the efficacy of salt on strong tasting alcohols, and on spicy foods. Not simultaneously. And sadly, without a lab coat...

The method: Two shots of each liquor, one with salt, and one without. Try to maintain sobriety long enough to report my findings. The liquor has to come first because I have no tolerance for spicy foods, and a little "liquid courage" never hurt anybody, amirite?

The results:
Blackwoods Gin -doesn't matter, that stuff still tastes like herbal pain, the salt just added a new flavor dimension... of pain...

The Kraken Black Spiced Rum- wonderful on it's own, it's very smooth and the vanilla is very expressive and with a hint of black pepper. I'm playing favorites being objective... Really.. The salt made the vanilla more apparent, which also made it taste more like imitation vanilla than actual vanilla bean. So, on this round, the salt just masked more of the flavors than anything.

Patron Anejo - On it's own, tequila makes me want to use all my powers of mimicry and pretend I'm a dragon. I feel like a dragon after taking shots of tequila! Well, that and dragons are just cool, if I could breathe fire my resume would DEFINITELY have that listed in the skills section!! The first shot went down, painfully, and I *might* have let out a shout or two. (Hey, if you can't be producing the next "Animal House", at least you can pretend to be in it) Surprisingly enough, every drunken frat kid the world over was right.... That stupid lick the salt take shot eat the lime part was right... The second shot went down MUCH smoother than the first, and, dare I say it- almost pleasantly!

Salt for the win!

So, yes, salt and tequila are meant for each other, and salt may help take the bite out of chili paste, but I'm drunk and easily distracted and I think my liver is calling to hand in it's resignation...

Isn't science fun?